Yukinoshita's Hidden Feelings
by TheFlyingTomato
Summary: One day, Yukino asks Hikigaya if he believes in love. As they search for their answer, they begin to truly explore the depths of their relationship. Going to be HikigayaxYukino.
1. Chapter 1

It was after school and Hikigaya Hachiman entered the service club room as he always does. Waiting for him, however, was just 1 other club member, Yukino Yukinoshita.

"Oh, there you are. Yui was wondering where you were and thought that you might've gotten here without her. I must say I was surprised, after all it's not common to hear that somebody was actively wondering about your whereabouts, especially coming from a female. Must be a good day for you, huh?" Yukino remarked with a slight smirk on her face.

"That's funny, because as I was getting here, I got a text from Yui saying that you apparently kept asking her if I was coming or not. Speaking of Yui, where is she?" Hikigaya retorted back immediately.

"Idiot, don't get the wrong idea. I didn't ask because I was wondering if you were here or not, I asked so if she said you weren't coming, then I wouldn't have to deal with you. And she left early to go shopping with Yumiko." Yukino, looking flustered, began recomposing herself.

"Oh. I see."

" Anyways, mind explaining why you're late?"

"From what it looks like to me, nobody came in and asked for our help. The way I see it I didn't do anything wrong. And besides, if you think about it, nothing regarding justice appears ahead of time. Detectives always show up after a case has happened, police show up at the aftermath of a crime. So technically speaking, lateness is justice." Hikigaya justified, in partial sarcasm.

"And you're implying that you're one of those so called 'heroes of justice'? I always imagined you as the villain figure, after all you have the dead eyes of one." Yukino reminded.

"Right right, I forgot that I don't meet your 'perfect standards'."

The two of them began their normal routine of sitting at the complete opposite ends of the table and reading their respective books with the window open. A gentle, crisp breeze entered the room and Hikigaya couldn't help but notice how perfectly Yukino's silky hair flowed with the wind. She almost looked angelic. After all, she is known for her resounding beauty. But he knew that staring would give her the wrong idea and he would be labeled as a creep so he quickly resumed back to reading his book. Some time had passed and Yukinoshita broke the silence.

"Hey...do you mind if I ask you a question?" Yukino asked, modestly.

"Sure go ahead." replied Hikigaya, not really caring too much.

"Do you believe in the idea of finding your true ideal love partner", Yukino asked with a light shade of pink on her face.

D-did I just hear her correctly, Hikigaya thought, in disbelief. Did Yukino Yukinoshita just ask about love?

"Huh? You're asking me, the guy who's gotten rejected his life, if he believes in love? What brought this on anyways?" said Hikigaya, as nonchalantly as possible.

"It's just a question that I've been having recently. I guess I never really believed in finding a person that could understand and cherish a person so well but I've seen so many people who've supposedly found someone perfect for them. I've never really had any friends growing up, especially any male friends that I could actually call friends. Seeing as how our pasts reflect some similarity, do you believe in finding anyone that can understand and accept you for who you are?"

"What does it matter? We're all born into this world for a pointless task. Nothing we do has any true meaning to it so in the end, whether we find love or not, it won't matter. And besides, there's no such thing as a perfect balance between people. In every group, people always try to split the work required evenly but there will always be one person who gets stuck with doing the unwanted work. While doing so, they proceed to trick that one person into believing that what he's doing is enjoyable. People are all manipulative who, in the long run, only think for themselves and use whomever necessary to attain their own selfish goals."

"But even so, don't you believe in the fact that one person out there will love you for who you are? Don't you _want_ to hope that someone will love you? That, one day, you will be able to look at the cherry blossoms and realize that...that the one you love may love you back?"

This is getting weird, Hikigaya thought. Yukino is the last person who I thought that I would be having this conversation with. She's always put logic ahead of her emotions, never did I think that I'd be seeing this side of her. And what's with that hesitant look on her face? It's almost as if she can't look at me without feeling pressured, and the way she said that last part, is she trying to imply something? Could it be possible that...that she's talking about _me_? No, no way. That's impossible. I must be missing something important, a deeper meaning that's hidden from me.

Right?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Read some of the reviews and I'll try my best to accommodate. Been getting some comments about the POV so I'll try narrating it from first person. Also plan to have longer chapters as well, chapter 1 was more of a starting point to see where I was. Anyways hope you continue to enjoy.**

Hikigaya's POV

After that day I had the conversation with Yukinoshita, I've been wary about approaching her as often. I still don't know what's been going on with her, but maybe I'm just imagining things. Yuigahama doesn't seem to notice a difference in Yukinoshita but I can't accept the fact that there's not anything going on. I'm sure that I'll be able to tell what's going on in her mind after reading her body language. After all, it's the minuscule things that reveal the most about one's personality. That's why I don't need to know a person to be able to judge them.

"Yahello Hikki! Are you going to the club meet later today?" Yuigahama asked.

If skipping meant avoiding Yukinoshita, nothing would appeal to me more. But maybe I could use this as an opportunity to try to read her and come to my own conclusions regarding our conversation. And plus, if Yuigahama is there this time, it's less likely to be as awkward.

"Yeah sure. It's not like I have anything else better to do anyways," I muttered.

"Hikki...did you and Yukinon have another fight? It looks like you two are more distant from each other than usual…" Yuigahama asked in obvious concern for her two closest friends.

"No it wasn't really a fight. I guess there's just more tension between us than usual," I assured.

"Well don't worry Hikki! I know that you two will make up, you guys always do. And until then, I-I'll still always be here for you too!" Yuigahama said, as she was messing with my hair.

Idiot. Most guys would easily get the wrong idea if you did that to them. Lucky for you I actually have a brain that puts logic and common sense before anything else. Any other guy would automatically take that the wrong way and assume you're trying to make a move on them. I, however, see this as even stronger support for my reasoning to not talk to a female for a long period of time.

"Hey, quit that, will you? People will get the wrong idea and jump to hasty conclusions," I said, drawing away from her.

"Hehe, silly Hikki. Nobody notices you anyways," Yuigahama responded back, ruffling my hair one more time before walking away.

Ugh. Sometimes I wonder how I even became acquainted with her in the first place. That service club has impacted me one or way another for sure, but not in the way Hiratsuka-sensei intended. In the end, my viewpoint on society hasn't changed. As far as I'm concerned, every individual person only does what benefits himself without the regards of others. I've seen it happen again and again, and I've even experienced it for myself. That's why I closed off all my emotions and distanced myself from everybody else. After all, the only person that matters is myself, I shouldn't have to do anything for anyone else.

Yet why do I feel like I'm only lying to myself? Almost as if there's now somebody worth sacrificing for? What is this feeling I'm having?

"Hikki! Wait for me!"

Every time I hear that nickname, a part of my heart withers and dies. But I suppose that's the price you pay for interacting with others and letting them get close to you.

"Yeah yeah, I know. We usually go to the club room together, it's not as if I'm just gonna leave you behind. How much of an indecent person do you think I am?" I questioned, in partial frustration.

"Well, you've actively cursed society along with its members as well as destroy some people emotionally...oh! But you've also helped me and Yukinon a ton too, so it's not as if you're all that bad! So I guess I'd call you a semi-decent person?" Yuigahama answered as truthfully, but considerately as possible.

"Hmm. Whatever. Let's just get to the club room already."

With some luck, after today, I'll be able to tell what's going on in Yukinoshita's mind based on her actions. Maybe I really am just overthinking this, and there's nothing unusual happening, nor was there anything unusual happening at all. That would be the best case scenario, but knowing youth, something is bound to go wrong.

"Yahello, Yukinon!" Yuigahama exclaimed in her usual cheerful tone.

"Hello, Yuigahama," Yukinoshita responded back in _her_ usual polite tone.

"Hey Yukinon, don't you think that the Service Club should throw a party? After all, we've helped out a good amount of people; surely that should be worthy of some celebration, right? If you want, we can also invite some other people too. I'm sure we could invite Totsuka, Yumiko, and everyone else that we know! It would be fun!"

"Err...even if we were to plan such an event, where would we go? And what would we do?" Yukinoshita inquired, almost as if she was hoping to find an excuse to not be able to plan such an event.

"Aw you worry about the future too much! Why can't you just live in the moment this one time and try to have some fun? We can discuss all the plans later when everybody meets up so everyone can share their thoughts and their opinions. Please Yukinon?"

"Well, I suppose it can be arranged," Yukinoshita answered, accepting Yuigahama's request, much to my surprise. "When shall we all meet up?"

"Yay! We can plan a meetup tomorrow after school if that works with you guys!" Yuigahama exclaimed with obvious delight.

"I see no problems with such a thing scheduled for tomorrow. And you, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Hmm. Works with me, I guess."

"Then it's settled! We're gonna have a party!" Yuigahama squealed.

I'm surprised that Yukinoshita would accept something as unseen as a party so easily. That's definitely uncharacteristic of her. If there's one thing that the two of us share in common, it's the fact that we both try to avoid social gatherings such as these, as well as people in general. Seeing her approve of this without much resistance...what's going on with you, Yukinoshita? There's definitely something going on here, but I'm not quite able to put my finger on it. Maybe it's something so obvious and I'm overthinking it. I can never usually tell with Yukinoshita. Reading her is harder than I thought it would've been, I sometimes forget that just like me, she places her emotions behind everything else and doesn't display her true feelings. All I can do from here is to just keep trying and see if I can get any sort of lead on her.

"Hey, Yukinoshita, I thought you would've been the last person to easily accept such a request. You sure that's really Yukinoshita there?" I questioned sarcastically.

"Unlike you, I don't deny the requests of others for my own benefit. While you may think it is unusual for me to accept Yuigahama's idea rather quickly, I see it as an opportunity for me to reflect on other things as well. I'm not heartless like you are. Don't even begin to compare me to yourself, you and I are nothing alike. You don't understand me. That is why I cannot say we're friends, only another classmate that I'm acquainted with that just happens to be in the same club as I am. Nothing more than that."

"If that's the case, then what is Yuigahama to you? I wouldn't say the two of you are the most alike either, yet Yuigahama seems to accept you as one of her closest friends while at the same time, you don't seem to deny her. If what you're saying really is true, then by your own logic, Yuigahama wouldn't be your friend either. She doesn't understand you any better than I do, yet you seem to value her as someone very important to you. Why don't you stop running away and get yourself together? After all, you're not some child that needs help anymore."

"H-hey Hikki, Yukinon already accepted my request for the party, so there's no need to cause any trouble…" Yui said, in an attempt to calm me down, but I ignored her.

"You say that I don't understand you when in reality, you don't even understand yourself. Why don't you stop being a hypocrite to the both of us and wake up?"

"Are you trying to imply that you understand me better than I understand myself? Do you really believe that you can manipulate yourself into thinking that you know me better than you think you do? I'm not like everybody else, you can't just look at me and be able to judge me upon a pathetic excuse that is your opinion. Let me make one thing clear, Hikigaya. You don't know who I am and you never will. You and I are not compatible. I don't think the same way you do. I don't manipulate others to get the results that I seek for, I don't harm others to get what I want. You say that people are nothing but selfish backstabbers that will do whatever it takes for them to rise to the top, and that's one of your reasons for hating society, but isn't that exactly what you do? Do you not harm others in order to achieve what you define as "success"? Who are you to tell me that I'm being a hypocrite when you are the very being that you despise so much? And here I was, thinking that maybe, just maybe, I could place some trust in you. For a moment, I believed you would be the one person that I could allow myself to-"

"-never mind."


	3. Chapter 3

Hikigaya POV

" _Let me make one thing clear, Hikigaya. You don't know who I am and you never will. You and I are not compatible."_

It's been about a month and ever since that argument, I haven't seen Yukinoshita or attended any club meets. Needless to say, I didn't attend their little party. I've also been trying my best to avoid Yuigahama as well, no need in trying to explain myself to her. I wouldn't be telling the truth if I said Yukinoshita's words didn't hurt at all. Some of what she said left a bitter taste in my mouth. I am the way because of what society has done to me. I've never once hated the way I handle matters. While it may look like I throw people away for my own gain, the truth is that it's my only method of being able to solve a problem. I don't believe in trying to find a solution that will leave everybody in happy spirits, reality does not function like that. If anything, I'm giving people a taste of what the world filled with its disgusting members of society is like.

And yet, I can't help but get her words out of my mind. Why does her opinion of me matter so much? I've never cared about how others view me, so why are her words sticking with me?

" _You and I are not compatible."_

Out of everything she said, those were the words that hurt the most. I thought that maybe, while we're not considered friends, she didn't look at me so negatively.. As much as it annoys me to say, I have a level of respect towards her and that's not something I can say about most people I know. Her harsh words shouldn't be affecting me this much, by this point in my life I should be used to getting rejected. But for some reason, I can't recall any other insult stinging as much as this one. I must've let myself be susceptible to weakness at some point. Regardless of the situation, I was reminded that people, no matter who they are, will eventually hurt you one way or another. There's no need to make yourself suffer through those circumstances if you never let anyone get close enough to you. So it's time to revert back to my old self and sever all ties I have with anybody. Eventually, things will return back to normal. But there's still one thing Yukinoshita said that surprised me the most…

" _For a moment, I believed you would be the one person that I could allow myself to-"_

 _"-never mind."_

What was she going to say? What could she have even said at all? She was literally telling me how I would never be able to understand her and how we would never be able to become close with one another. So what could she have said that would have caused her to stop her argument in such a rush? I don't doubt that in the heat of the moment, she may have just been rambling and she almost accidentally told something she didn't mean to, but the way she abruptly stopped, plus how she looked doing so, definitely looked suspicious. Overall, I wasn't able to get a solid read on her, but I can, without a doubt, confirm that there is something going on with Yukinoshita. But given the current circumstances, is it even worth my time and effort to try to figure out what it is?

As I walked into class, I noticed Yuigahama talking to her group of friends, but recently she hasn't been looking as happy as she normally does when she talks to them. Not that it matters to me though.

"Err...Hikki, can we talk?" Yuigahama confronted me and asked at my desk.

"What about?" I responded back, not really caring.

"Well, I was thinking that maybe you could come to the club meeting today. It's been awhile since the lasting meeting you attended…"

"Hmm? You're telling me that I should go to the club today after what Yukinoshita said? If anything, I'm sure I'm doing you guys a favor by not attending. I'm sure that it would only make things more awkward and worse if I was there. I haven't even talked to Yukinoshita after that argument, and she hasn't contacted me at all about the club. So as far as I'm concerned, the both of you are doing fine without me and I don't have to be there, therefore I don't need to attend anymore. Now everyone's happy."

""That's the thing though, Hikki. Yukinon hasn't contacted you because of how tense things were between you two after your big fight. She told me that she wanted to tell you to go to the club meets, but she just doesn't know how. I told her that I could tell you for her, but she denied my help, saying that this is something she wanted to do by herself, without the assistance of others. But despite her stubbornness to solve this problem on her own, she told me that seeing how it's already been a month since the incident, it would be best for me to tell you at the very least. Although Yukinon hasn't really expressed how she's feeling, it looks like she's been hurting inside ever since she snapped at you. It seems to me that she regrets what she said and wants to apologize, but doesn't know how. So please, Hikki. Come to the club today, at least for Yukinon's sake."

What did she say? Yukinoshita felt guilty? I find that hard to believe. Despite her claims of me not knowing who she was, I can tell you that the Yukinoshita I know does not feel remorse over her actions and words. There's a reason why she's known as the Ice Queen. Just like the name implies, she has an unmoving cold heart of unmelting ice. It makes no sense to say that the person she legitimately yelled at is the one person that she feels guilt over doing so. And yet, I know that Yuigahama's judgment is fairly accurate for the most part. In any other situation, I would take her word without few doubts, if any. But saying that Yukinoshita seems to be suffering is a bit too far-fetched, even for her. It's possible that Yuigahama's just trying to guilt trip me to go to the meet, but she would never do anything sneaky and underhanded like that. What is going on here?

"Oh? Is that so? Well, sorry to tell you, but I'll still most likely not be going to the club today. You're a very trustworthy person, but I just don't see Yukinoshita and guilt going hand and hand. After all, she quite literally told me that we would never be friends, so how am I supposed to be believe the fact that she wants to reconcile things with me? If she really felt bad and wanted for me to attend, then she would've done so by herself. The Yukinoshita I know would never give up that easily to anything. No matter how difficult the task may be, she would always find a way to persevere and find success. Err, not that I want her to talk to me or anything. I'm just saying that if she truly wanted to confront me about this, she would've already done so," I added quickly at the end.

"But...but Yukinon's suffering right now and you can make things better by attending! You don't have anything to lose!"

"Since when did I ever care about how others felt? Going to the meeting will only make things even more unstable, and I know that you and Yukinoshita don't need to deal with that. Even if Yukinoshita is hurting right now, it'll only be a matter of time before she gets over it. I already told you before. Youth is a lie. And it will devour you at any chance it gets. That's why I choose to not get involved in anything that doesn't directly involve me. This way, I don't have to deal with situations like these."

"You're the only person capable of helping Yukinon and you won't even try?!"

"Lunch is about to end. You should take your seat now, Yuigahama."

Yuigahama walked away in defeat, although I heard her mutter something under her breath that sounded like, "I'm sorry, Yukinon. I tried my hardest." I still don't know what to make of the situation. I still can't believe the fact that Yukinoshita would want to make things better between us.

So why do I keep having this hopeful feeling that Yuigahama was telling the truth? It's foolish of me to think like that, but hearing her tell me that Yukinoshita felt regret over what she said to me almost gave me the smallest tinge of something akin to happiness. A part of me wants to believe in the possibility of being able to call Yukinoshita a "friend" and that she didn't really mean what she said during our argument. Truth be told, Yukinoshita's one of the only people that I can just be me around. I don't have to deal with everyone else's opinion of me, and I know that despite what she said, we still do have a similar viewpoint on society. While the way we think is different, our end goals and intentions are not. That's what makes us as people compatible with each other. And yes, while she always and forever will annoy me, she's the only person who I can at least somewhat relate to.

Yet the realistic part of me is saying otherwise. Yukinoshita has no reason to feel bad over what she did. I know that in her past, she's rejected every guy that's ever asked her out. Remorse over what she says isn't something Yukinoshita has. And I don't think I've ever seen her that angry before to anyone. So she has no reason to feel guilty over anything at all. She's only dealt with me up until a month ago because of the club that I was forced to join. In reality, we really are nothing more than just acquaintances that met through a school related activity. I have no reason to feel attached to her, as she has no reason to feel any form of regret. We're strangers to each other's true selves.

If this was a year ago, I wouldn't have cared less. Yukinoshita's just another meaningless person in my life that'll be gone after my high school years. Her existence shouldn't affect my life. If I was able to live my life before Yukinoshita became a part of it, then there's no reason why I still can't do that. All this means is that I let myself be weak. I let myself open up to a person who I thought would end up being important to me, but in the end, destroyed me. A month ago, I was again harshly reminded that Youth is a hoax. It shows mercy to nobody and I, of all people, should understand that the best. My own arrogance led to my own downfall and this is the price I must pay for it, but I've learned my lesson now. No matter what the world throws at me, I won't let my true self be shown. True strength is shown without the reliance of others.

As class began to end, I quickly walked out the door before Yuigahama could confront me. I didn't want to deal with her at the moment and my own thoughts were discombobulated as well. I need more time to analyze the situation and assess my own feelings before I do anything rash. But just as I walked out the door, I was greeted with a familiar pair of electrifying, but sparkling blue eyes. As they gazed deeply into mine, I asked what I had just gotten myself into.

"Hello Hikigaya-kun. Do you have a moment?"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So it seems that I need to make the specific clarification that this fanfic doesn't directly follow the sequence of the anime. This is its own story and it doesn't necessarily pick up right from where the anime left off. I also might add my own take on some things.**

Yukinoshita's POV

I can't say that I felt good about myself after the argument with Hikigaya, but my social skills have always been a little lacking. I didn't know how to approach him without making things even worse, and the longer I waited, the worse the situation became. But despite asking for Yuigahama's help, I know that this is something I need to do, at least for the sake of myself. This moment will determine my future with Hikigaya, as a club member and as someone who can almost be labeled as a friend.

"Sorry for the sudden appearance, but there's something that I've been meaning to talk to you about," I apologized.

"Uh, okay. What about?" Hikigaya asked, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Well, I know that the last time we've spoken to each other, things didn't end too well between us. I've wanted to apologize for my rude actions, but I didn't really know how. As you already know, I'm not very good at this type of thing, but I value what we have over my pride. So I just want to formally apologize and say I'm sorry. The club is always open for you to attend anytime you'd like to," I said shyly, feeling nervous and self-conscious,

"Thanks for the offer, but I already told Yuigahama that I wouldn't be attending. There's no need for me to go anyways. For all I know, I could only end up making things worse, maybe even for you and Yuigahama. This club has never really directly impacted me. I haven't attended a meet in a month or so, might as well just leave it like that and let things blow over."

Did I hear him properly? I don't know why, but I didn't think he would reject my invitation. Did my words hurt him too much to the point where he won't forgive me? It shouldn't matter though. I came here to apologize for my harsh words, and that's exactly what I did. What happens afterwards should not affect me in any way imaginable. And yet, his rejection hurt me more than what he said during our argument. Why?

"H-huh? But it's been about a month and you're still a member of the club. I obviously cannot speak for you, but I wish to make things better between us and reconnect. After all, you're one of the few people that didn't hate me for being me. Are you sure about your decision?"

"Look, Yukinoshita. I appreciate what you're trying to do and I don't want to make this even more awkward than it already is, but I don't want to come back, only to make things worse than how it already is. If I stay out of this, then I won't be able to hurt you or Yuigahama anymore. So there's no need for me to come back."

Idiot. Don't you realize that what you're doing now is hurting me the most? You're someone that I've learned I can rely on. Despite what I said during our argument, I realized that while you don't completely understand me, you're still the only person that understood where I was coming from. I destroyed the bond between us with our argument, I'm not going to let the same thing happen again. No matter what, I'll keep this barrier from forming between us.

"I don't understand. People fight all the time. Just because we had one argument doesn't justify your reasoning of no longer attending the club. There's no real reason for you to not attend."

"Look, I appreciate your offer, but as you know, joining the club was never my intention to begin with. The only reason why I became a part of the club in the first place was because Hiratsuka-sensei forced me to join."

"But can you truly say that after everything we've been through, you no longer want to be a part of the club? All the experiences we shared, all the people that we helped, does none of that matter to you at all?"

"I should get going. Komachi's going to start wondering why I'm not home yet. Good talking to you after a while. See you around, Yukinoshita," he said, in a rush to escape the conversation.

I stood there in shock. I know that Hikigaya and emotions don't mix well together, but even so, I've seen him display his true emotions, only once. He came up to Yuigahama and I in the club room with a request, and he began to tear up. So I know that deep down inside, he still has sympathy and compassion in his heart. How can I bring those feelings out and use them to my advantage?

Wait, come to think of it, why hasn't Hiratsuka-sensei forced to Hikigaya-kun to attend? Just like he said, she was the reason why Hikigaya-kun joined in the first place. Could it be that she's not aware of the situation? No, it's impossible for her to not know. Regardless of the reason as to why she hasn't done anything, telling her what's been going on and asking for her advice seems like the best place to start.

* * *

"Hiratsuka-sensei, can I ask for your help?" I asked, without trying to sound too desperate.

"Is this regarding Hikigaya's absence in your club?" Hiratsuka-sensei responded back, already knowing what my question was about.

"Well, yes. It actually is about that. If you're already aware of his absence, then how come you haven't done anything about it?" I inquired, in frustration.

"Let me tell you something, Yukinoshita. Do you know why I made him join the club in the first place?"

"If I recall correctly, you wanted him to become a better person in society, correct?"

"Yes, that is indeed correct. I wanted Hikigaya to become a better person and not have such a negative view of society and its people in general. In order for him to become happier with the people around him, I thought maybe you would be able to positively influence him and let him see the good side of people. Despite how he may act, I can tell that he's changed. But keep in mind, I want for _him_ to change upon his own will. I only made him join the club at first to give him a push, now what Hikigaya does is up to him. He decides to start attending the club meets. He decides to never show up again. Regardless of what his final decision is, the point is that it's _his_ final decision. My goal is to guide Hikigaya along the way, not tell him what to do. What he does from here on out is reflected on his own judgement. I take it you tried to tell him to rejoin, but to no success?"

"Yes, I don't know why he refuses to join back. He said it was something about not wanting to cause any more trouble for Yuigahama and I, but the both of us wish for his return."

"He doesn't want to make things worse than they already are, so Hikigaya is cutting off all ties he has with you. Sounds exactly like something he would do. As distance as he might seem, this is the only way he knows how to not hurt people. His mindset is that if he doesn't associate himself with anybody, then nobody can get hurt. As a result, he's never really had any friends. Of course, he's tried to change this and make friends with other classmates in the past, but they all rejected him. In the end, this only solidified his own way of thinking and he closed himself off from the rest of the world. By forcing him to join the club, I thought that maybe you would be able to unlock the door to his heart.

"W-why would you think that?" I stammered, blushing.

"I don't really know. Something about you two just seems to work sometimes. It's almost as if you instinctively understand one another. But anyways, Hikigaya will come back around, I'm sure of it. Over the past months, it's subtle, but I've definitely noticed a difference with him. Hopefully he'll come to realize that what he has with you is too valuable to just throw away. Don't worry about it, Yukinoshita. As a teacher, nothing pains me more than just sitting here and doing nothing for one of my students, but I know that I'm not always going to be there for Hikigaya, so he has to learn how to be independent."

"I...I see. Thank you for your time, Hiratsuka-sensei," I said respectfully.

Is waiting for Hikigaya-kun's decision all I can really do? Surely there must be something else, anything else, that's within my realm of control. What is there that I can do to convince Hikigaya-kun to come back for good?


	5. Chapter 5

Hikigaya's POV

I had some very mixed feelings about Yukinoshita's offer. Of course, on the one hand, I'd be more than happy to join back. Honestly, that club is one of the only places I can go to clear my head and be in a room with people that, for the most part, "accept" who I am. But on the other hand, coming back might end up causing more problems in the future, problems that could easily be avoided if I put my own selfish desires aside and think about what's best for Yukinoshita and Yuigahama.

Even so, Yukinoshita looked pretty sincere about her apology and I think I noticed some genuine shock and pain when I rejected her invitation. Why does it seem like she wants me to join so badly? I had a hard time believing Yuigahama that Yukinoshita felt guilty about what she did, but now I think I see her point. However, maybe Yukinoshita just wants me to join so she can be at ease with herself, knowing that she did her part to make things up between us. Maybe I was foolish to hope that I had finally found a place to fit in. But no matter what the reason is, I still received an invitation to come back. Was it the right decision to deny her request?

* * *

"I'm home," I said, tiredly.

"Onii-chan, you look even more dead than usual. Get rejected by another girl again?" Komachi asked, jokingly.

"Hey hey, you make it sound like I always got rejected because I wasn't good enough when in reality, it was the other way around and I was too good for them," I muttered back.

"It's okay, Onii-chan. You don't need to lie to make yourself look better, I know you too well. I'd give myself a lot of points for that one!"

"Oh? Good for you, I suppose."

"Huh? What kind of a response was that? Is everything okay, Onii-chan?"

"Yeah yeah, everything is daijobu."

"What? That didn't even make sense. What's going on, Onii-chan?"

"It's nothing you need to concern yourself with, Komachi."

"Hmm. Did you get in another fight with Yukinoshita-san again?"

"Not exactly. It's hard to explain."

"I'm all ears."

"Basically, about a month ago, Yukinoshita and I had a pretty big argument, and I haven't been attending the club since. For the first time in a month, Yukinoshita and I talked and she wanted to apologize for what she said during our argument. She invited me back to the club, but I rejected her invitation to prevent any future problems for Yukinoshita and Yuigahama. But although I feel like this is the best decision, I feel so unhappy with it and I don't know why. Shouldn't doing what's best for them be the most important thing to me?"

"Gosh, Onii-chan. I thought you'd have known better by now. Don't you realize that you can't spread yourself so thin to the point where there's nothing of you left? Your problem is that the only way you know how to help those around you is to make some sacrifice for them. You never see the situation for what it really is, and as a result, you destroy your own character when it's not necessary to. Did you ever think that maybe the best solution is to just do what makes everybody, including yourself, happy?"

I've never believed in the idea of happiness. It's just a fake emotion that people feel in an attempt to forget about their weaknesses. To live in such ignorance is to live in a fake ideal world that you've created for yourself. A world where you can't face reality for what it is and run away from the truth. Happiness isn't an emotion of joy, it's an action of hiding from real life.

"My feelings shouldn't be relevant in this situation. If I don't need to go to the club, then I shouldn't feel a want to go either. How I feel shouldn't be reflected upon my actions. After all, I don't need the satisfaction of pleasing myself to live. Doing what's best for Yukinoshita and Yuigahama is more important."

"Geez, Onii-chan. You really are an idiot, aren't you?" Komachi said, in frustration.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You completely missed my point. Did the thought of you coming back to make everybody happy never cross your mind? If Yukinoshita-san invited you to come back, then chances are she really meant it. And I know that Yuigahama-san would want you to return as well. You say that you don't want to join so you'll end up not hurting them, but did you ever consider that what you're doing right now is hurting them the most?"

All my life, I've never really had anybody outside of my family care for me. So I've never known what sympathy and compassion towards me felt like. The only person in my life that's really directed those emotions towards me is Komachi, and even then, sometimes I feel like it's only because I'm her brother. Is it possible that Yukinoshita may actually want me back?

"And besides, Onii-chan. I know Yukinoshita-san pretty well now. I know that she could never stay mad at you, she's always had a soft spot for you," Komachi said, with a wink.

"Er...I wouldn't really call it a soft spot…" I muttered, looking embarrassed.

"Hehe. I know that whatever you end up doing will be what you think is best for them, but take your own desires into consideration as well. Sometimes the best solution really is the happiest one."

"Yeah, maybe. Thanks for the talk, Komachi."

"Anytime, Onii-chan!"

Maybe Komachi is right. Maybe I've been overthinking this and I should look at the situation for exactly what it is. I'm still not sure if coming back is the best thing for me to do, but it can't hurt to try, right?

* * *

It's the next day and I've made up my mind to attend the club today. If nothing else, I'll at least attend for Komachi's sake so she'll know I tried. As I entered the school, I saw Yukinoshita in the hallway.

"Hey, Yukinoshita, I've decided that I'll-"

But as soon as she heard my voice, she flinched and walked away quickly, unable to meet my eyes.

"H-hey! Yukinoshita! There's something I need to tell you!"

She kept walking on, either because she couldn't hear me, or she chose to ignore me. What's going on? Why does it seem like she's trying to distance herself from me?

" _You say that you don't want to join so you'll end up not hurting them, but did you ever consider that what you're doing right now is hurting them the most?"_

Did my rejection cause this to happen? This whole time I was convinced that leaving Yukinoshita alone would be better for her in the long run, but is it possible that I ended up making things worse? Either way, I at least need to let Yuigahama know that I'm going to the club meet today.

I entered my classroom and after a bit, Yuigahama walked in as well.

"Yuigahama, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Hikki...you don't have to tell me what you already told Yukinon. She already told me everything. We appreciate what you're trying to do for us, despite your final decision hurting Yukinon a lot more than she thought it would. We're both sad, but if this is your way of taking care of us, then we have to be thankful about it, right?" Yuigahama expressed with sorrow in her voice.

"No, that's not what I was going to tell you. After thinking about it, I've decided that I'm going to the club today. All this time, I've been worried about protecting you and Yukinoshita from any more pain, and I kept thinking I was the source of that pain. I thought by attending the club after what had happened, I'd be selfish in trying to fix what had already been broken, but I realize now that you can't fix the past, you can only build the future. That's why I've decided to stop running away and face my problems head on. And it begins with returning back to the club."

"Hikki...y-you really mean that?"

"Yeah, I do. I want to be able to move forward without feeling any more regret. I don't know if coming back is the best decision, but I have a feeling it's the right one. So, will you accept me back as a member?"

"Of course! Welcome back, Hikki! Yukinon and I have really missed you…"

* * *

Now comes the difficult part, however. I don't know how Yukinoshita is going to react to all of this. According to Yuigahama, she's been wanting me to return as well, but after how she reacted this morning, will she really be happy to see me? There's no backing out now. Like I said, I want to be able to solve my problems, not run away from them. Entering the clubroom, this very moment, will determine my future with Yukinoshita.

I took a deep breath.

And I opened the door.


	6. Chapter 6

Yukinoshita's POV

After what happened yesterday, I couldn't even face Hikigaya-kun this morning. Normally I am mature enough to move on from a situation like this, but for whatever reason, I can't seem to do that easily this time. This is the first time I've had this feeling in my chest and I want it to stop. His words won't stop ringing in my mind and the more I hear them, the more I'm reminded of my inability to maintain a bond with anybody. All my life, I've been isolated from everybody and nobody would be my friend. I've had to put on the fake act of not needing anybody close in my life, but the truth is, I wish there was someone who could understand and accept me for who I am. Somebody who I can learn to trust with all my heart, and somebody who I know will never abandon me, no matter what. Despite what people say about my seemingly emotionless persona, I'm still a human who wants to be able to laugh with others and feel joy when I'm with those I can call friends. I know that Yuigahama-san is someone very close to me, but at the same time, I don't think she's someone who I can reveal my true self to. The only one who's seen me for who I really am, the only person who's come the closest to my heart…could it really be him?

What made me snap at Hikigaya-kun in the first place? We've always had our banters, but it's never been anything that dramatic before. What caused me to become so upset at him? I'm sure that he was only teasing me when he said that agreeing to Yuigahama's party was very unlike me, so what caused me to lash at him unforgivably? Was it perhaps because I didn't want him to see me as such a negative person? Looking back, I know that what I said to him isn't completely true. While Hikigaya-kun doesn't know who I really am, he's the only one who's tried to understand. I don't believe in his underhanded methods of manipulating others to solve problems, but at the same time, I can't quite say that we are nothing alike. One thing I've always admired about Hikigaya-kun is his ability to be somebody real. He doesn't act fake to fit in with others. He doesn't try to pretend to be somebody he isn't to feel accepted. He's brave enough to allow his true self to come out, regardless of how others may think of him. Though it may not be pretty, in a way, he's found who he is and what it is he stands for.

That's not something I can say about myself. Throughout my whole life, I've always been in the shadow of my older sister. Time after time, I've always been compared to her and I have expectations I must fulfill, but eventually, I came to the realization that I won't ever be able to be like her. But maybe that's okay. Hikigaya-kun has shown me that I can become my own person without needing to worry about what others may think. Thanks to him, I've been able to change at least a little bit and I've started to become content with some of the smaller things in life.

 _So why did I speak so harshly to him when he's so important to me?_

Perhaps...perhaps it was because the one person who I cared about the most still didn't understand me. Maybe I placed too many expectations on him and that caused me to snap at him unreasonably.

Wait, wait. Did I just say that Hikigaya is the person that I care the most about? Surely that isn't really the case. His absence and rejection must be messing with my head, there's no way that he's somebody that dear to me. It's not like I have any special feelings for him or anything…

* * *

Class just ended, and I started to make my way to the club room. As I was walking back, I began to wonder what Hikigaya-kun wanted to tell me this morning. It sounded pretty urgent, but I just wasn't able to face him. Hopefully, I can ask Yuigahama-san if he told her. Upon arriving at the entrance, I opened the door and was greeted with nothing but an empty room and an open window, with the gentle breeze blowing in the room. I sighed as I began walking to my seat to get my book out. I was used to this setting, but somehow, it feels even more empty today than it usually does.

After about 10 or so minutes, I heard a knocking on the door. We really haven't gotten too many requests lately, so I wondered who could be asking for our help. Yuigahama-san hasn't shown up yet, but I can handle this on my own. But just as I was opening my mouth to greet the guest, I couldn't do anything except gasp audibly and stare at the person who just walked in.

"Uh, h-hey, Yukinoshita. I guess it's been awhile since I've been in here, huh?" Hikigaya said, in an attempt to make things less awkward, as if things weren't awkward as it was. I suppose I didn't really do much to help, I couldn't help but gape at him, wondering what this could mean.

"Ah, hello, Hikigaya-kun. I apologize for my behavior, I just...didn't think you would be coming back anytime soon," I said quickly, hoping that he hadn't noticed how nervous I was.

"Y-yeah, I understand. After consideration, I decided that I would attend the club at least for today. I don't want to keep running from my fears, I want to confront them instead. I tried to tell you this morning, but I guess you didn't hear me."

"O-oh, is that so?" I said, with my face bright red. "My apologies, I guess that must've been the case. Anyways, does this mean you're joining the club back for sure?" I asked, hoping to confirm the potential good news.

"I don't know for sure, but this is something that I don't want to lose. And more importantly, I don't want to destroy what you and I ha-" Hikigaya cut off suddenly.

Was...was he going to say that he didn't want to destroy the bond we have with each other? Does he really value what we have that much? I don't think I've ever seen Hikigaya-kun seem so troubled over a connection he has with somebody. Maybe something has changed?

" _I thought that maybe you would be able to unlock the door to this heart."_

No...no way, right? As Hiratsuka-sensei's voice rang in my ears, I began to wonder what the true meaning of her words were. There's no way Hikigaya-kun thinks that way of me, or of anyone, for that matter. The person that's most important to him is probably Komachi-chan, and that's just because she's his little sister. I don't know why this seems so relevant to me. It's not like I care about what Hikigaya-kun thinks of me…

"Hey, Yukinoshita, do you remember that question you asked me?" Hikigaya asked, all of a sudden.

"Which one are you referring to?"

"The one about finding an ideal partner in life, someone who'll you can always rely on, and someone who'll always have faith in you."

"Y-yes, what about it?" I stuttered, my face flushing when I remembered that talk.

"I can't say I've come to a conclusion yet, but I think I'm starting to approach my own answer," Hikigaya said, with a serious, but modest look on his face.

Has he actually been thinking about my question? I never imagined that he would be the type of person to reflect on this matter. But if he's been trying to find an answer to my question, a question that was asked to him over a month ago, then does that mean that all this time, he may have also been thinking about me? Is it possible that maybe Hikigaya-kun didn't just forget about me and move on? This feeling of...joy...what is this? I've never felt an emotion like this before...

"What have you come up with so far?"

"Right now, all I know is that while I haven't found somebody that would suit me, there still are people in this world that care and look out for you. Despite being unable to claim another person as one's own partner, it's not impossible to find closure similar to that with another person in this world. That being said, not everybody has somebody to look for, so I guess it's important cherish what you already have."

"Hikigaya-kun...I-"

I was interrupted by Yuigahama-san entering the room. She saw the both of us and greeted us with her usual bright attitude.

"Yahello, Yukinon and Hikki! Did Hikki already tell you that he's returning back to the club, Yukinon?"

"Hey hey, I never said I was officially joining back," Hikigaya grumbled under his breath.

"Of course you didn't, we never said you could join back either, Hikigaya-kun," I teased.

"Weren't you the one that confronted me saying that the club was always available for me if I wanted to join back?"

"W-well...um-"

"Oh, Yukinon, you actually talked to Hikki?!"

"It's not that big of a deal, Yuigahama-san…erm, anyways, feel free to take your usual seat, Hikigaya-kun," I said, clearing my throat.

"Yeah. Thanks, Yukinoshita."

As he began to take his seat, I couldn't help but give a small smile and blush a little.

"Oh come on, I just came back, don't tell me there's already something wrong," Hikigaya said, in partial sarcasm.

"No. At this moment in time, there's nothing wrong at all," I answered back, trying to regain my usual composure.

Indeed, there is nothing wrong. Hikigaya-kun is back.

He hasn't abandoned me.


	7. Chapter 7

Hikigaya's POV

Yukinoshita and I...just what are we?

A month ago, that question might have been answerable. We're both students that attend the same school and are in the same club. Though Yukinoshita has never directly labeled me as a friend, I'd say we're at least pretty decent acquaintances with one another. As our experiences in the club began to draw us closer to each other, we subconsciously began to rely on each other. I relied on her strength, and she relied on my dependable nature. Though we've had our differences, it's safe to say that we've both attained a deep level of trust for each other. Yukino Yukinoshita is someone that knows who I really am, she's someone who I'll always be able to count on.

So what are we?

Are we close enough to be considered friends now? Does Yukinoshita even acknowledge me as a potential friend? The last time I asked, she rejected me instantaneously, with no hesitation. So what does this mean? Am I just looking for pity out of Yukinoshita, in hopes of being able to finally connect with a person?

" _It's not impossible to find closure similar to that with another person in this world."_

Could it be possible that...Yukinoshita has that closure for me?

Throughout my life, I've always been reminded of the deceptions of society. It lures you into false happiness and allows you to believe in pointless ideals that don't define true character. Being independent, straying away from everybody else...only then is when you can find your own true self. The idea of remaining alone promotes individualism and allows every single person to be their own selves. Foolish ideas like teamwork only sets you up for failure. When the day where you fall comes, you'll only be more damaged because of the fake protection you've always had. You'll never be exposed to the truth, and so you'll only deny it even more. Because you grew up with an ideal that was never correct to begin with, because you refused to learn what society truly is, you end up creating a world of convenient lies that are suited to agree with your ideals. In the end, you'll be reduced to nothing and be exposed for the fraud that you are, because of your false ideals you grew up with.

But at the same time, maybe it's possible that there's another side to this coin.

If isolation grants individualism, then what does genuine unity promote? Yukinoshita...is it possible that she's the only one who can genuinely understand and accept me? Unlike everybody else I've met, she also tends to be isolated from the rest of society. I know that she's had a difficult past because of her seemingly exceptional skill to accomplish anything perfectly, but I also know that that isolation can lead to loneliness. As much as I admire her strength, I know that deep down inside, what she truly needs is someone to rely on. Someone who will be able to embrace who the true Yukino Yukinoshita is. Most people that try to approach her do so only based on their knowledge of her character, not her personality. They fail to realize and see who Yukinoshita truly is, and thus, she strays away from everyone. Now that I think about it, I think I'm one of the only people who's truly gotten to know who Yukinoshita really is, and I suppose I can say the same for her as well. Looking back on our past experiences, I realize that I've actually told more to Yukinoshita than I have to anyone else. All my life, I've been denying those who try to come close me, but for the first time ever...it almost feel natural having Yukinoshita by my side. Why? What is the meaning of this?

* * *

"Hey Hikki, isn't your birthday coming up soon?" Yuigahama asked.

"Hm? Oh yeah, it's not that far off from now, why do you ask?" I responded back.

"Just making sure!" Yuigahama replied, cheerfully.

I've never really stressed the importance of my birthday, but we all celebrated Yukinoshita and Yuigahama's birthday too, so I suppose they think it's only fair to celebrate mine as well. Maybe this could serve as a time of reconnection after a long period of absence. Despite my return to the club, I can't quite say I've truly come back, in terms of my standing with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama. It seems as if there's a barrier that I need to transcend in order to restore my ties with them. Although I'm not one for significant events in my life, this would definitely aid in my goal.

"Hmm, now that I think about it, what kind of gifts do you like receiving, Hikki?" Yuigahama asked.

"I don't really have a preference. If somebody gives me a gift, then I at least have to try to appreciate their gesture, even if I have to fake it."

"Huh? Gosh, you're so boring, Hikki! How am I supposed to give you the perfect present if you don't give me much to work with?"

"I mean, I just said that I don't really mind what I get since it's more about the thought than the actual gift itself. Why do you want to give something that would appeal to me that much anyways?"

"W-well...uh...d-don't be stupid! It's only natural for me to want to give you something that you would enjoy. After all, it's your birthday gift, and you just recently rejoined the club, so obviously this present should be a big deal!" Yuigahama claimed, defensively.

"Alright, if you insist so."

I'm really not for one when it comes to making elaborate plans for supposedly important events such as these. I don't see the point in celebrating a specific day over any other normal day. Going back to the example with birthdays, I don't see the point in making a big deal on that specific day. In reality, all a birthday really is, is just another regular day where one's age technically increases by a year. In my eyes, that's nothing worth celebrating over. In a way, it's almost ignorant to the fact that you're continuously aging. People look at birthdays as a way of realizing and celebrating that one is a year older. But shouldn't we compare ourselves of the past day, rather than the past year? If that's the case, then wouldn't birthdays, days that celebrate the fact that one is a day older, be more relevant and logical than what we call birthdays right now?

"Yukinon and I want to make this a memorable experience for all 3 of us. After all, you did come back after a long hiatus, and plus, you were there for both of us during our birthdays, so we should do the same."

"Oh, I see. Well, in that case, enlighten me with your gift, whatever that may be. Like I said, I don't really care about what the gift itself is."

"Even so, I still want to get you something that you would like…"

"Don't worry about it, Yuigahama. I'm sure that whatever you end up giving me will be a good enough gift to call perfect."

"Y-yeah! You're right! I'm going to get you a gift so good that you'll even smile for real!"

I almost gave a small chuckle of defeat. For a long time, I've been trying to find anything genuine and real in my life. Realizing that society is built on a foundation of lies, I want to know if anything real and pure really exists. While I haven't gotten any closer to my answer compared to day 1, I can say that Yukinoshita and Yuigahama are the only ones capable of helping me find my answer.

As Yuigahama walked away, I started to wonder if Yukinoshita was planning on doing anything special as well. I kind of assumed so since Yuigahama is apparently really invested in this, but all things considered, I still can't really get a read on her. Come to think of it, I honestly can't see Yukinoshita realistically giving me a present of any sort. The only things that she's ever "given" me were just food related items. Knowing her, I'm sure she probably doesn't even realize my birthday is coming up in the first place. And if she doesn't acknowledge it, then maybe in reality, Yukinoshita is the one giving me my so-called "ideal gift" of not making a big deal about my birthday.

Funny how life works out sometimes.


	8. Chapter 8

Yukinoshita's POV

Hikigaya-kun's birthday is coming up soon, and I really feel like I owe him a present that he'll genuinely like. After everything that's happened, I want to make it up to him and improve our status from there onwards. Plus, he did give me a birthday gift in the past too, so it only makes sense for me to at least return the favor.

The only problem is, I don't even have a clue as to what kind of gift I should give him.

He's so excluded and never shares anything regarding this type of thing. What's something that Hikigaya-kun would find genuinely useful, something that can fit with his personality? I've already come to the conclusion before that nobody will really be able to truly know me, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I may not know Hikigaya on a personal level as well. I guess I understand how difficult it really is for him to truly understand me. How should I even go about this?

For starters, I feel like an ideal gift for him is one that he can use daily in his life, something that is actually practical for him to use. With those types of characteristics, it could possibly be something that is convenient to carry around. What type of gift could that be? For my birthday, he got me a pair of reading glasses, which I still use occasionally. So maybe I can give him something that is easily accessible, yet very helpful at the same time. Knowing Hikigaya-kun, what would be his ideal gift?

He hates people, he hates working, he has no friends, he's a loner...come to think of it, does he even like anything? I can't think of anything that would suit his tastes, due to his inability to even feel anything anymore. He's become so isolated from everybody that he never really expresses himself, he just does his best to lurk in the corner, hoping to go by unnoticed. I'm starting to wonder if an ideal gift for him even exists at this point.

Maybe I could just give him some chocolate, but I don't want to give off the wrong idea. After all, giving chocolate could make it seem like I'm trying to do something else...which is obviously not within my intentions. And besides, it might come across as too shallow. It might make me look like I put in no effort and just gave him something edible, without putting any actual thought into it. I know that Yuigahama-san is going to everything she can to find something perfect for Hikigaya-kun and whatever she decides to give him, I can't lose to her. Wait, my purpose is to give Hikigaya-kun a good present that he'll genuinely enjoy, not to beat Yuigahama-san and win against her…

Right?

* * *

I'm still not exactly sure what I could give him, but I suppose going to the mall may give me an idea. Maybe I might find something there that'll work. I just hope that I can find a gift for Hikigaya-kun soon, seeing how his birthday is only in a couple of days from now.

As I walked into one of the store entrances, I heard a familiar voice say my name.

"Yukinoshita? What are you doing here?"

"O-oh! Hello, Hikigaya-kun, I didn't see you. I just need to buy some things for my sister," I lied.

"Hmm, seems like something she would make you do."

"Anyways, what brings you here, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Komachi said she wanted to go to the mall with me. She said something about 'sibling bonding', yet it seems that she wants to do her own thing after getting my money…"

"So in other words, she doesn't want to be seen with you in public? Are you really surprised at this point?" I teased.

"Hey hey, now you're just jumping to conclusions."

"How can I be jumping to conclusions when the fact of the matter has already been concluded?"

"Er...moving on, you need any help getting whatever it is Haruno told you to get?"

"W-well, I suppose having an extra person around couldn't hurt…"

"Alright. What did she tell you get anyways?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just some clothes that she can wear to some fancy party. I suppose even someone whose eyes are as dead as yours could pick something nice out. Having a 2nd opinion is always welcoming, even if it's yours."

"I can't even tell if you're complimenting me or not anymore…"

"Oh, don't worry, I'm not."

"Of course…"

Although the entire bit with Nee-chan was a lie, I couldn't help but feel a bit happy as Hikigaya-kun and I walked around the mall. And after all, I could treat myself with some new clothes, seeing how I haven't bought anything for myself in a while. In the worst case scenario, I just end up buying nothing if it comes down to it, there's no real downside to this.

Wait, why am I trying to think of excuses to go together with Hikigaya-kun? If anything, I should be looking at this as an opportunity to try and see what I could give him for his birthday. In the end of the day, that's my ultimate goal. That's the reason why I'm here in the first place. I can't allow this chance to slip by, I can't let my own selfish desires get in the way of my plans.

* * *

"Oh, Komachi-chan?"

"Yuigahama-san! Yahello!"

"Are you here all alone?"

"No, I took Onii-chan's wallet and went to a store...hehe. But as I was walking back, I saw him and Yukinoshita-san talking alone, and I was thinking that maybe I should let them have their conversation and see where it went. Afterwards, I saw them walking together to some other stores..huehue." Komachi said, mischievously.

"H-hold on, you mean Hikki and Yukinon were...together with just the two of them?" Yuigahama asked, with worry in her eyes.

"Yeah, unless there was third person that I couldn't see from my point of view, but it was definitely just the two of them walking somewhere else."

"O-oh...well thanks for telling me, Komachi-chan…"

"Yuigahama-san? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I...I'm fine. Don't worry about it. I'll see you around, Komachi-chan."

 _Hmm, I wonder if she's alright,_ Komachi thought.

* * *

"How does this one look?"

Hikigaya-kun looked like he blanked out yet again.

"Hey, Hikigaya-kun. Hello?" I asked, in annoyance.

"Oh, were you talking to me?" Hikigaya-kun asked.

"Geez, this is like the third time you've totally just spaced out."

"Sorry about that, I'm just used to blocking everyone and everything out, I guess it's just become natural instincts at this point."

"And yet you don't seem to have any intentions changing that?"

"Why should I? I don't have many people that to talk to me, so if it doesn't concern me then I have no reason to pay any attention to anybody. Of course, sometimes I'll listen to some conversations here and there, but for the most part, I ignore those around me."

"Haven't you ever felt like you've wanted to change though?"

"I shouldn't have to be someone who I'm not just for the sake of being accepted by my peers. If they don't like how I am, then that's that. Fake people have a reputation to maintain, real people don't."

"Have you ever been accepted by anybody, Hikigaya-kun?"

"It doesn't matter to me, whether people find me acceptable or not. I guess in the long run, Komachi is probably the only one who understands me, despite my twisted views of society."

I could feel the weight of his words on my shoulders.

The weight of guilt.

Back then, I yelled at Hikigaya-kun for not truly understanding who I was, when in reality, I didn't understand him as well as I thought either. I honestly thought that we at least had somewhat of a bond together, but from what he's saying, it's almost as if I'm nothing more than just another meaningless person in his life. I don't know why...but I don't want that. I don't want Hikigaya-kun to think that I'm just somebody else who's incapable of understanding him. I want to show him that I can accept who he is. I want for him to be able to...rely on me.

"Hikigaya-kun...I accept who you are," I told him, with confidence and determination in my eyes.

"Huh? What are you talking about, Yukinoshita?" He asked, surprised.

"I don't want you to think that you're alone. Even if you think that you don't have anybody to go to, just know that I will always be here for you. So you don't have walk this path alone anymore. Whatever you can't hold, I'll pick up for you. So don't think that you're by yourself anymore."

"Yukinoshita…"

"Anyways, I should get going now. Nee-chan is going to start wondering why I'm taking so long. Thank you for the help, Hikigaya-kun. See you next time."

"O-oh. No problem, Yukinoshita. I'll see you around.."

I don't know if my words got through to him, but just telling him makes me feel much better. And I think I might have an idea of what to get Hikigaya-kun for his birthday, after our talk.


End file.
